The Interaction of Identity and Marriage
Problem Orientation in Lifespan Development
Charles R Davenport PsyD
Marriage in American culture is one of the hallmarks signaling entry into adulthood. It typically occurs after formal education is completed because the high school or college years are viewed as an important part in the process for identity creation (as cited in Lutes, 1981). The stability of a marriage depends on both partners achieving a sense of individual identity, which helps to establish a balance of power and mutual respect that is so central to emotional and intellectual intimacy (Newman & Newman, 1999). A successful marriage promotes maturity and consolidates identity (as cited in Wallerstein, 1994).
The effects of identity on marriage can be seen as involving two of Erikson's psychosocial crisis. As mentioned in Newman & Newman (1999), the crisis of individual identity vs. identity confusion involves identity to be the merging of past identifications, future aspirations, and contemporary cultural issues. The crisis of intimacy vs. isolation includes the notion of intimacy as the ability to experience an open, supportive, tender relationship with another person without fear of losing one's own identity in the process (Newman & Newman, 1999). It is important to note that while intimacy is generally established in marriage, being married does not automatically produce intimacy.
The completion of previous psychosocial crises that were addressed earlier in the lifecycle may influence the resolution of current ones. The formation of attachments in childhood is likely to be important to young adults in the search for individual identity and intimacy (Newman & Newman, 1999). There has been some debate over the range of ages in which the above mentioned crises take place within the lifespan. Although, Wallerstein (1994) does believe in order to create a lasting marriage that one cannot get married without having an individual identity first. In this review, only first marriages will be considered because second marriages may contain several unique aspects as well as take place at different points along the lifespan.
Scientific Definitions of the Problem
Marriage has been defined in the literature as being currently one part of a couple that is legally married (Wallerstein, 1994). This terminology was made more specific for marriages in Zimbabwe because they needed to be culturally recognized and both individuals in the couple were required to be at least 16 years old (Mhloyi, 1998). The definition used in the literature excludes homosexuals, bisexuals, lesbians, and transsexuals because they are not legally allowed to marry. Cohabiting heterosexuals who have lived together for several years were also not included.
Most of the reviewed articles utilized Marcia's theory of identity formation during Erikson's proposed identity crisis. According to Marcia, identity can be measured along two dimensions creating four different states (as cited in Lutes, 1981; Newman & Newman, 1999). The dimension of crisis consists of a period of role experimentation and active decision-making among alternatives, while the dimension of commitment consists of personal involvement in a final selection of particular goals and values. Those who have reached no commitment and are experiencing no crisis are considered identity diffused, and those who are in crisis but have not achieved a commitment are considered to be in moratorium. Individuals who have made commitments without experiencing a crisis are said to be foreclosed, and those who have reached a point of commitment following crisis are said to be identity-achieved.
According to Zicklin, identity can also be divided into three categories because people perceive themselves to have a variety of identities (as cited in Askham, 1976). Macro-identities are revealed on cursory inspection and include aspects like sex and occupation. Micro-identities are only revealed after a certain degree of acquaintance has been established and comprise of things like name, marital status, friendships, and religious affiliation. Character attributes require an even greater degree of acquaintance and contain factors like personality traits, habits, values, and interests. These identities can range from general types of classification to restricted and individually unique types of classification (as cited in Askham, 1976).
Askham (1976) claimed that a sense of identity was contradictory to the maintenance of stability within a relationship. Stability maintenance was seen as the avoidance of any tendency perceived as being likely to cause the relationship with the significant other to fragment. Identity maintenance requires open and wide-ranging conversation, a certain amount of privacy or independence, the possibility of new experiences and development for each individual, and a minimum of restricting or objectifying of roles. On the other hand, stability-maintenance requires the inhibition of all these factors (Askham, 1976).
Clinical Formulation of the Problem
The literature provides several hypotheses for the interaction of identity and marriage. Wallerstein (1994) claims that women have good reason to fear a future marriage because it involves separation and a major change in identity, including a change from her adolescence to young adulthood. She goes on to say that separation for young men is less from the family of origin and more from the male fraternity, or bachelorhood, and the freedom from responsibility that accompanies that life stage.
Within a larger scope of what a couple needs for a healthy marriage, Wallerstein (1994) believes that a couple must endure the task of building the marital identity: Togetherness vs. Autonomy. In this task, a couple must build a new shared identity within the marriage that requires a shift from the individual, which was often characteristic of the adolescent, to the solid and lasting "we" of marriage. This we-ness provides the marriage stability in the face of frustrations and is based on the willingness to part to some degree with the narcissism of the "I". The partners are said to identify with each other and with the marriage to create a superordinate identity of the marriage (Wallerstein, 1994). Then according to Wallerstein, individual identity effects the formation of the new shared marriage identity.
Lutes (1981) found that married college students are more likely to be foreclosed than are single college students, for both men and women. Assuming that the achievement of identity requires considerable time and effort in a complex society, he theorized that youth who are committed in one realm are more likely to be committed in other realms of life. Therefore, married college students would be expected more often to be foreclosed than identity-achieved. According to Marcia's original theory, the person who is too uncomfortable with uncertainty makes choices without a lengthy process of consideration because foreclosure is a response to doubt and anxiety (as cited in Lutes, 1981). Selecting socially desirable responses probably also serves to simplify choices and reduce anxiety (Lutes, 1981). Lutes's study found that married students and foreclosed individuals both seem willing to make choices without considering as many alternatives, which suggests that these young adults are cognitively less able to determine what the alternatives are rather than an emotional suppression of alternatives. In the study, married students were more willing to stop when they found what seemed to be a safe and comfortable choice which goes along with findings of foreclosed adults tending to be weak in their ability to experience intimacy (as cited in Lutes, 1981).
The choice of a woman's surname when married can be viewed as an identity label. Marriage provides the opportunity to establish and express individual identity to others through the choice of surname. According to correspondent inference theory, a woman's surname choice reflects her personality because freely chosen behaviors are likely to lead to inferences about an individual's personality (as cited in Etaugh, Bridges, Cummings-Hill, & Cohen, 1999). Etaugh et al. found that women who retained their maiden names and the women who hyphenated their names were seen as more agentic, or having instrumental traits traditionally associated with the male role, and less communal, or having expressive traits traditionally associated with the female role, than the women who took their husband's name. Since one's identity can be forged through social roles, Eagly's social role theory claims that perceivers are more likely to have observed women with nonconventional surnames in the workplace and possibly in high level positions, rather than in the domestic role because people's roles influence the gender role traits attributed to them (as cited in Etaugh et al., 1999). There is evidence that more women compared to men make these perceptions as more agentic, communal, and industrious (Etaugh et al., 1999). In a study by Twenge in 1997, African American women compared to White women were found to be more likely to want to use a nontraditional name after marriage (as cited in Etaugh et al., 1999).
According to Askham (1976), the maintenance of identity was seen as gratifying and in a positive light. He says within a relationship that each partner needs to be given license to receive and interpret information about the other. He also claims that partners should allow one another equal chances to develop or maintain their own sense of identity. Conversely, the maintenance of stability should not be expected to be viewed in a positive manner because it requires restrictions upon certain kinds of behaviors (Askham, 1976).
According to a study by Stets and Burke, behavior in conversations follows not only an individual's status within a larger social structure, but also from one's sense of identity (as cited in Stets, 1997). In identity theory, affective behavior is influenced by the meaning of one's role identity. Role identity is how society is organized and the cultural expectations attached to one's position (Stets, 1997). According to Stets, being female is a signal of low status and effects the way husbands respond to their wives. She continues to claim that wives attempt to compensate for their perceived lower status by utilizing negative behaviors that suggest power and control. Such negative behaviors measured in conversation include but are not limited to criticizing, challenging, interrupting, complaining, and putting down one's partner (Stets, 1997). Marital interactions provide a culturally appropriate place for expressing negative feelings without fear of rejection because of the greater trust and commitment involved (Stets, 1997).
Stets and Burke reason that the status and identity characteristics of gender are linked to cultural assumptions of value and competence for men versus incapability and inferiority for women (as cited in Stets, 1997). The findings of Stets show more negative behaviors in people of lower status other than determined by gender as well. Having a low occupational status, less education, and being younger all displayed more negative behaviors which can especially be seen in combined conditions (Stets, 1997). Stets says low-status individuals use negative behaviors in an attempt to modify structural inequalities in response to high-status individuals' rules and impositions. Over time, the use of negative behaviors will contribute to an individual's identity shift toward dominance as a reaction to another's treatment (Stets, 1997).
Zimbabwe's adolescents are in a cultural transition between the adoption of Western lifestyles at the expense of their traditional African culture (Mhloyi, 1998). This transition occurs to such an extent that Mhloyi says identity diffusion, moratorium, and identity achievement characterize not only adolescents, but also the Zimbabwe family and society. Identity formation there is unpredictable because of the blending of cultures. Young adults are torn between the influences of their elders for traditional beliefs and the socialization and media influences from Western culture. The youth were shown to prefer and emulate Western lifestyles, especially among middle- to high-income families (Mhloyi, 1998).
The greatest gap in the socialization of young adults is in the area of sexuality and marriage (Mhloyi, 1998). The role of extended family members has eroded and parents often now play a peripheral role. The result is early sexual activity and teenage pregnancies leaving adolescents with definitive commitments or foreclosures to pursue education in order to get a white-collar job. However, Mhloyi reports the youth are being taught about marriage by their parents. A generation conflict can be seen when grandparents urge young women to get married, while the young women still want to pursue an education and a career. Double standards were found regarding the age spouses were determined to get married. The most important determinant for men is responsibility taking the form of economic viability, while the determinant for women is maturity demonstrated by the ability to take care of household chores. Everyone in Zimbabwe culture is still expected to marry. A stigma is attached to delayed marriage or when it has been more than five years after reaching menarche at approximately 17 years old. These expectations are obviously at odds with a young woman trying to complete secondary school, receiving some professional training, and then working. Mhloyi reports that marriage remains universal and early, but that the average age at marriage is slightly increasing as well as the rate of divorce.
Problem Solutions
In order to solve the task of Togetherness vs. Autonomy and build a superordinate marital identity, Wallerstein (1994) claimed that both partners would need to accept changes and grow. One change may be decisions now reflecting consideration about what is best for the couple and the marriage. A growth in the ego and superego of each partner occurs as part of this task and is tied to the critical expansion in empathy, which is another way to conceptualize the increased capacity for intimacy. Wallerstein said the developmental steps listed above were often more difficult for young men. Building the shared identity of a marriage is never complete, is always changing, and is an ongoing tension in the marriage.
When solving the conflict between the sense of identity and the maintenance of stability within a relationship, Askham (1976) found three possible resolutions. One resolution involves a delicate process where one need is stressed and then the other. The second option entails one of the needs being given more importance within the relationship than the other. For example, both partners may feel little need for stability maintenance. Or, the couple could attempt to reach a compromise between the two needs. The last resolution seems to be the most effective arrangement because it promotes open communication and good problem solving skills between partners in the relationship.
Using negative behaviors to compensate for a perceived lower status may be creating another problem. Because low-status people have to work harder and display negative behavior, they may be signaling to high-status people that they are deserving of these inequalities (Stets, 1997). If low-status individuals are treated poorly and accept this treatment then the social structure does not change, but if they try to fight back it may signal a lower status. Research by Lovaglia and Houser suggest that low-status people may want to manage or mask their own negative emotions as well as the emotions of high-status people to gain influence (as cited in Stets, 1997).
Despite not mentioning any specific solutions to the problems faced by young adults in Zimbabwe, Mhloyi (1998) recommends first recognizing and accepting the existence of an identity problem created by the blending of cultures. Mhloyi continues that efforts should be made to build a national identity that embraces the past while incorporating modern values for the future.
Discussion
A major problem in studying individual identity and intimate relationships is that a third party cannot readily observe it. Some people or cultural beliefs may consider it inappropriate to reveal certain aspects of a marriage to an outsider, or they may alter their behavior during observation (Askham, 1976). In the field of psychology, more research on the interaction of identity and marriage is needed cross-culturally. Presently, a lack in studies focusing on racial and ethnic minorities may be limiting the findings being considered in the area.
Newman and Newman (1999) claim that an individual's identity must be far enough along so that the possibility of a deep, emotional involvement with another person will be seen as exciting rather than frightening. Young adults must deal with the conflict of maintaining individual identity while also maintaining the stability of the marriage (Askham, 1976). Identity in marriage can be expressed through the choice of surname (Etaugh et al., 1999), it can be witnessed by the use of negative behaviors in communication (Stets, 1997), and it can influence the formation of the superordinate identity of a marriage (Wallerstein, 1994). The interaction of identity and marriage will likely effect all of the other aspects of one's life throughout the lifespan.
Lutes (1981) found that students who were foreclosed were more likely to marry, which is instead of the students' marriage leading to foreclosure. According to these results, efforts to get young adults to postpone marriage may not be successful in preventing divorce. Therefore, it is critical for clinicians to pay more attention to the individual and not the age of the person when married.
It is unlikely that low-status people will use more negative behaviors in other task-oriented aspects of their lives because these settings would provide little opportunity (Stets, 1997). For example, a low-status person would not carry over these behaviors to the family as a spillover effect, but rather utilize negative behaviors in the family after work as a compensatory effect.
Etaugh and colleagues (1999) research supports the notion that women who either retain their maiden name or hyphenate their name may be more successful in the business world. A work environment may provide a setting where perceived agentic qualities will be seen as more desirable. The study also fits Eagly's social role theory where women with nonconventional surnames were more likely noticed in the workplace and possibly in high level positions (as cited in Etaugh et al., 1999).
Identity and marriage interact with each other in many different ways. These interactions can be seen in people's expectations and especially within a cultural context. In this literature review, mostly American culture and ideals were studied. The goals and expectations expressed in the research are not common to all marriages within a society or across all cultures. Every relationship should be assessed individually in order to understand the interaction of identity and marriage, which can especially be seen from the study of young adults in Zimbabwe (Mhloyi, 1998).
References
Askham, J. (1976). Identity and stability within the marriage relationship. Journal of
Marriage & the Family, 38, 535-547.
Etaugh, C. E., Bridges, J. S., Cummings-Hill, M., & Cohen, J. (1999). "Names can never
hurt me?": The effects of surname use on perceptions of married women.
Psychology of Women Quarterly, 23, 819-823.
Lutes, C. J. (1981). Early marriage and identity foreclosure. Adolescence, 16, 809-815.
Mhloyi, M. M. (1998). Identity formation: Problems and prospects, the case of
Zimbabwe. Journal of Comparative Family Studies, 29, 243-254.
Newman, B. M., & Newman, P. R. (1999). Development through life: A psychosocial
approach (7th ed.). New York: Brooks/Cole.
Stets, J. E. (1997). Status and identity in marital interaction. Social Psychology
Quarterly, 60, 185-217.
Wallerstein, J. S. (1994). The early psychological tasks of marriage: I. American
Journal of Orthopsychiatry, 64, 640-650.
Posted By:
Charles R. Davenport, Psy.D.
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