3 ways to emotionally survive visits with family during holidays

To some, the holidays are the "most wonderful time of the year." This is not always the case in my family, even though it is a wonderful time of year, things sometimes are "just a bit" stressful.

Here are a few tips that can be helpful:

Have some rules of engagement and expectations for the visit. Having a plan to disengage and seek support from someone before things get too out of hand can be helpful. Having nonverbal cues or a plan ahead of time can be helpful.

Heep an eye out for old scripting or family roles. Getting together with family can feel like picking up in the middle of a very old, very tired story in which everyone knows their parts but no one really likes playing them anymore. Decide to switch up the script. The easiest way to do this is to change your perspective: see and interact with the players as individuals instead of characters. In other words, rather than "Mom," "Dad," "black sheep" and "good kid," think of them as Sally, Bob, Jane and Dave. So often, the problems in families stem from our not being acknowledged and respected for the individuals that we have become. If we want to be seen as a person instead of some label we outgrew ages ago, then we need to lead by example and start extending that same courtesy to our family.

Be mindful of what we are thankful for. To the increased arousal and overall intensity surrounding the holidays it can be hard for the real positive things to stay as front and center as the parts that are brought to our attention as a result of old patterns or hurts. If we are aware of this head of time we can work to offset this tendency by consciously focusing on what we are appreciative for while letting the more negative experiences run parallel. Squashing them usually doesn't help either.

sometimes it can be helpful to reflect and process what went well and what did not after the holiday season. If you're left overwhelmed by how well things went or a little stressed out by things not working out so well and you think Dr. Davenport might be able to help please call his Sarasota or Venice office for therapy, counseling, or couples work.

Posted By:

Dr. Charles R. Davenport

Licensed Psychologist

Charles R. Davenport, Psy.D. LLC.

Phone: 941-321-1971

www.drcharlesdavenport.com

Venice Office

1525 Tamiami Trail S.

Ste. 603 A

Venice, FL 34285

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Sarasota Office

950 South Tamiami Trail

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